Publishing positive education information for parents and teachers since 2000

How to Stop Bullying

Negative Don't Run Won't Stop
Positive Walk Zones Will Remember to

When you tell your child “Don’t run” what happens?  Do they stop? When we organise “Stop Bullying” campaigns do they work?  When your child says “I won't be naughty”, do you know what their unconscious mind is focusing on?

 

In all three statements the speaker is talking about what they are not going to do. This will rarely work the way they want it to.

 

Think back to a time when you have said I am not going to… (fill in the blank), or, “I wont… (again fill in the blank).  How did that work out for you?  Did you achieve what you set out not to do?  More than likely you did not achieve what you intended to do.

 

There is so much focus and attention on “no more bullying” and I think we are getting it all wrong.

 

Consider the following points

  • Whatever your child pays attention to will grow
  • And they will notice it more and more.
  • E.g. Paying attention to the fact that one person is being mean will lead a child to feeling like no one likes them, they will start to notice anytime someone does the slightest mean thing. On the other hand, paying attention to knowing one person thinks they are amazing will lead to them feeling loved, they will be more likely to notice the things others are doing that are nice.
  • If your child pays attention to the areas of school where they don’t feel smart, or they feel dumb they will feel dumb in general. If they notice where they are smart they will feel smart in general.

 

 

The unconscious mind doesn’t hear ‘don’t

The unconscious mind doesn’t take notice of the words ‘don’t’, ‘won't’, ‘not’, ‘stop’ or any other word describing what you wont do. It does hear and act on the rest of the sentence.  Lets look at what the unconscious hears when we take those words out of the above examples;

  • “…run”
  • “…bullying”
  • “…be naughty”

 

Get the message?

 

This concept is well known in the schools and many  have changed the language  when speaking to children.  They no longer say “Don’t Run” and have ‘Walk Zones” instead. Instead of  “Don’t Litter” they now use pictures of someone putting rubbish in the bin or “Clean Ups”.

 

As parents we are told it is better to say “speak to me in your happy voice” rather then “stop whiiiinnnnging” (boy, and I have two of them, that one is easy to forget sometimes).

 

Back to bullying.  There is so much attention on this topic and I agree it needs to be dealt with.  I just wonder why we are not heeding the proven research.  I see “Stop Bullying” or  “Anti Bullying” everywhere. I feel frustrated and sad for the children in our schools.  All the while we use these phrases we will not achieve anything other than having children pay more attention to bullying and notice it more.  This leads children to appear to not be resilient and can encourage some children to become bullies.

Your thoughts create your experience

In my school program ‘Be Unreal’ we talk about what would happen if we focussed on something else.  What if we focused on talking about what we do want. We could start talking about something else.  Use sentences such as:

 

  • “Your thoughts create your experience”
  • “You have the power to feel how you want without negatively affecting others.”
  • “EVERYTHING you do is a choice”
  • “Make choices that lead you where you want to go.”
  • “Small actions lead to BIG results.”

 

I have lists of topics like these. Discussing these topics will lead to less bullying and more resilience, as  all of us, adults and children, focus on techniques, attitudes and actions that empower. Before you know it this empowerment will grow and spread.

If a bullying situation arises, these empowered kids will know how to handle it or have plenty of empowered peers to help.

 

Our attention is on the wrong topic. Lets STOP talking about ‘stopping bullying’ and START talking about empowering kids.

 

 

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About the Author

 

Cindy Russell  is a children's book author and instigator of change. After overcoming 13 years of anxiety and panic attacks, Cindy wondered why she had not come across the information that had helped her sooner. Cindy has been helping others for 19 years,  especially children, build a solid emotional foundation. Cindy runs courses online for schools and parents as well as working one-on-one with clients globally. Cindy lives in Wollongong in NSW with her husband and 4 children. Cindy's website: cindyrussell.com.au

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Negative Don't Run Won't Stop
Positive Walk Zones Will Remember to

Negative Don't Run Won't Stop
Positive Walk Zones Will Remember to

Negative Don't Run Won't Stop
Positive Walk Zones Will Remember to

Negative Don't Run Won't Stop
Positive Walk Zones Will Remember to

Negative Don't Run Won't Stop
Positive Walk Zones Will Remember to

Publishing positive education information for parents and teachers since 2000

Negative Don't Run Won't Stop
Positive Walk Zones Will Remember to

Negative Don't Run Won't Stop
Positive Walk Zones Will Remember to

Publishing positive education information for parents and teachers since 2000

Negative Don't Run Won't Stop
Positive Walk Zones Will Remember to